Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
