dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize