Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
