i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
