you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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