I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
