dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Mom said you looked used
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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