i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
