you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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