i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
