Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
