I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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