ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
