Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
