btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
