Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
