I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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