My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
