My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How external is "for external use only"?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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