just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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