Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
