New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize