Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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