another moral hangover. fuck.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
