running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize