Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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