were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
