Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
