So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
