Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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