I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
