Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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