yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
