In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
