If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
