You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
