That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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