I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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