the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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