My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
