Porn is love you can see.
My hand turned me down
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
