i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I said "one day" and that day is not today
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
