Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
