What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
