3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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