well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
