he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
