I cockslap morals
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
