you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
