if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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