8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
