you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
