something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
