Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can text with my tongue
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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