she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
