she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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