every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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