Porn is love you can see.
My balls are so social today.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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