I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
