He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
