He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
