Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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