So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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