Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
