i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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