Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
