you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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