Michael Bay diarrhea
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
