I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
