they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
