all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
