somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of course I have a pirate flag
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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