Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
