my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
