My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize