What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
