I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
