Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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