We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
