i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
