Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
