I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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