He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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