well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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