I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
