im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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