Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
