This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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