Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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