i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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