she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
