when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
