She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
