I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
