so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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