If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
