I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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