$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
