you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
