dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
