You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
